


I'm Allowed...?

by Caseys_Crying



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Confusion, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Emotionally Repressed, Gay Panic, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, I've been wanting to write this for a loooong time, Insecure Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Internalized Homophobia, It's not angsty like the other one, M/M, argument, i hope you enjoy, romantic awakening, so here it is, took me long enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23807620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caseys_Crying/pseuds/Caseys_Crying
Summary: While on the road Jaskier sings joyfully a song about a young love, but when he uses male pronouns Geralt starts a tense and confusing conversation."Wait… So you… liked this guy?”
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 13
Kudos: 326





	I'm Allowed...?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my work! If you don't mind leaving a comment with some feedback, I'd be very happy to receive them! I'm always working to improve and any criticisms or compliments are greatly appreciated!

Geralt was walking down the beaten path between Jaskier and Roach. They were leaving Timera and headed west towards Cidaris, rumors of some vile beast of the night were circulating and it seemed just the right place to go. While Geralt was focused on making quick time of the travel and making it to some good camping ground by the time it got much later, Jaskier was singing merrily. It was some story he’d never heard before, but the bard always seemed to be singing and despite all the songs Jaskier has written about the witcher, he still had some of his own that he let out in his own time. As much as Geralt was trying not to listen, the bard lyrics would seem to make their way into his ears. 

“Boyhood love, so innocent, so sweet” Jaskier mused. 

The Witcher’s attempts at ignoring the bard weren’t so effective when the night air seemed so silent, there was nothing else to put his mind to besides Yennefer, and he didn’t particularly want to think of her right now considering the fight they’d had only weeks prior. What Geralt was begrudgingly following in the song, was that Jaskier was recounting one of his first flames from long ago. Jaskier met this girl at some noble party when they were both young and spent an enjoyable evening with her. But considering that the bard hadn’t spent ages while they were traveling speaking at length about the girl, they likely never met again with this song is the only testament to their engagement.   
Jaskier went on with his tune singing into the midnight air like the moon was the only audience he desired.

“We danced through the night and spoke until morning dawned, 

Though my time with you was brief, I had grown fond

Unfortunately, not all good things can last

But I’ll hold onto these memories from so far in the past.

I warn all ye listeners, let not your love out of sight,

For he was beautiful, with blue eyes glittering in the moonlight…

And-” 

“You mean she.” Geralt corrected him.

The bard stopped singing and strumming his lute, in his pause he cast his eyes toward the witcher and asked simply,“ Hm?”

“You meant she. It’s not often you misspeak, but you said “He was beautiful” and you meant to say ‘she’.” Geralt explained plainly without tossing a glance towards Jaskier.

“As pleasantly surprised as I am that you’ve been listening to my balid with ever so baited attention, clinging on to my every word, like if I didn’t finish my tale you’d never be able to move on from-” Jaskier strummed his lute on every beat in his sentence.

Geralt replied with an annoyed groan, rolling his eyes away from the incessant bard.

“You’d be wrong, however.” Jaskier answered, he pulled the case for his lute off his back and began packing up the instrument while keeping up with Geralt’s always impressive strides, while wistfully remembering his youth,“ This song was in truth written when I was very young and it’s recounting a night I spent in the company of Duke Eurvindyn of Mayena. I was maybe 13 or so when we met, and the evening included nothing more than drinks and intelligent conversation. But it was fun to entertain the imagination of a wily young lad when I was such a young rapscallion. Likely nothing would’ve come of it had we even tried to-”

Geralt cut Jaskier off a new question posed,“ Wait… So you… _liked_ this guy?” 

“I did. He was beautiful, kind, and charming, he had humor and wit, and though he ended up marrying a boring dolt for a wife, I’m sure he still finds time to be amusing like he was ba -”

Geralt’s eyebrows began to knot “You... You liked this _guy_ and-”

“And what of it Geralt? Is it a problem for you that I did?” Jaskier released a sigh, slinging his lute onto his back and looking up towards the moon that was glowing overhead. 

“I wouldn’t call it a problem.”

“Well what would you call it then? He’s certainly not perfect I will admit, but in my defense, I was 13 and so was he. We were two bored noble boys who found each other far more interesting than the party we were in attendance of. But since then I’ve had my fair share of experiences and just because you haven’t watched me wrap a man around my pinky and lay him for the night, don’t assume I can’t do it or haven't done it. In my many years I’ve enjoyed a plethora of involvements and relations. All of which I’m quite proud of and was happy to participate in.” Jaskier was becoming worked up. While he and Geralt had never explicitly had the conversation, he had assumed that Geralt understood his interests in both male and female relationships. And he certainly didn’t expect the Witcher to be so against them. 

“I’m just a bit lost on the- you’re both men.” Geralt’s pace began to slow and he looked at Jaskier while he questioned him, searching for answers.

“Yes, Geralt!” Jaskier fumed,“ I like to drink a few ales with a fellow and then ask him to join me up stairs. I enjoy a feminine guy to prace around a ballroom with. I like a big, strong man to enjoy long walks on the beach with. And I like them just as much as many girls do. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a personal preference and I don’t understand why you’re having such a difficult time dealing with it!”

“‘But it’s just- damned- how is it that…” Geralt was uncharacteristically stammering, but that didn’t dissuade Jaskier from lecturing the witcher. 

“The continent is growing Geralt, and the people on it are growing with it. While you may be a tired old man afraid of change, people these days are changing. It’s beautiful the way things are progressing and while it’s laborious to keep up with it, your best interest would really be to become a bit more flexible on these sorts of things.”

“So… you could _like guys_ and-”

“Yes, yes Geralt, I can and do like guys. I understand it’s a bit of a shock, but please, do take a minute to calm down and process it” Jaskier finished, keeping his eyes forward and picking up his pace.

Geralt stopped in his tracks altogether, his eyes trained on the path under his feet before letting out little more than a whisper.

“Hm?” Jaskier called back as he kept moving forward.

“... could like guys?” Geralt let out a bit louder this time.

“What was that?” Jaskier flippantly threw back over his shoulder to the witcher.

“ _I_ could like guys…?” Geralt finally asked loud enough to be heard. His fists were balled at his side and his shoulders were stiffened. 

Jaskier’s eyes widened and he turned around to face his friend “Geralt…” he quietly let out.

The witcher bit his bottom lip and felt nerves bumbling around in his belly. He searched for the words he needed but found them escaping his grasp. All these ideas were new to him, thoughts he’d never even considered to explore before this night. He didn’t like it. Geralt didn’t like not having a reign on his emotions, he didn’t like being unsure, he didn’t like being confused or nervous. He didn’t like the mess that this conversation was making of his head and everything he knew before. 

Jaskier took a step back towards Geralt. Studying everything he could about his old friend, but suddenly he seemed like a stranger. Geralt didn’t freeze up like this, he’d never spoken so unasure like this. 

Geralt’s heart felt to speed and his breaths were becoming hitched in his throat. The nerves continued to build and then Roach gave Geralt a bump to his shoulder. He gave her a scowl before looking down at the bard. After another moment of silence he gained just a bit of fortitude.

“I just mean, I’ve heard of men and I’ve met some men, who did in fact like guys, but it just- It always seemed so... removed. Like they weren’t really there and maybe it wasn’t really real. Like background characters in a story it didn’t seem important or applicable. It felt so far away from me that I just- But if you do, and I know you’re real, then it must be a real thing. And that makes it an option, but I- I- I just didn’t realize that I could- I could like guys.”

Jaskier closed the distance he had put between him and his friend. Geralt wasn’t being judgmental or rude, he was just… scared. He put a hand on Geralt’s shoulder. 

“Of course you can, Geralt. You can like anyone you want. I’m sorry I didn’t realize-”

Geralt’s breathing quickened, let go of Roach’s reins, and he fell to his knees onto the ground. He racked his gloved hands into his hair while his wide golden eyes seemed to glow in the dark.

With a shaken voice he looks into Jaskier’s eyes while tears rim his own and asks,“ So… it doesn’t have to be Yennefer? Or Triss? It didn’t have to be Renfri? I could… I could like a man. And it’d be okay?”

Jaskier bends down to Geralt level and takes the witcher’s hands from his white hair, placing them over Geralt’s heart,“ The world surely won’t collapse, cities won’t crumble, and people won’t die.”

“I could… _fall in love_ with a man? And live a life with him, not a woman.” Geralt pled while a few tears spill over his cheeks before he rubs them away furiously.

“Provided that he loves you too and wants to spend that time with you, then of course you can.” Jaskier jokes, giving Geralt a small nudge on his shoulder to which he lets out a dry chuckle.

“I could be happy with a man, and it’d be okay?”

“It’d all be perfectly okay.”

“I could like men and it’d really be okay?”

“Of course”

Geralt closed his eyes and gulped down more of his nerves before looking back into his bard’s eyes and asking,“ **I could like you?** ”


End file.
